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Posted by | Scientific Fantasies - Feedback Appreciated |
Wyndy (#8495) Phoenix View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-03-14 22:12:21 |
Yet another story beginning from me - I know, I have a lot of them. 0 players like this post! Like? Edited on 01/08/15 by WolfWynd (#8495) |
Wyndy (#8495)
Phoenix View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-03-26 11:21:18 |
Here's another sneak peek for all you lovelies. <3 Let me know what you think is happening! ------ It was dark when he heard to door opening, and he looked up, seeing faint movement. There was enough light for him to know that it wasn’t Natalia. As the intruder came closer, he knew that he was right. It was Ingvar, and Talon pressed back against the walls of his cage, as far away from the opening as possible. He knew what the professor would do to him. It didn’t make a difference, though. Ingvar dragged him out of the cage, ignoring his struggles, and gripped his wing joints, twisting them enough to send him to his knees in pain. The scientist took advantage of that to fasten the restraints of his wings, painfully tight. Talon struggled, trying to get free, trying to flare his wings, but the professor just twisted them more, sending pain shooting through him, and he went limp, breathing heavily. His wrists were chained tightly, and he was jerked to his feet, his wings already throbbing. The professor dragged him through the darkened hallways of the facility to a room that Talon knew far too well. He’d spent nearly twenty years in this room. He dug his feet into the floor, refusing to go past the door into the room, but it was no use. The professor just jerked on the chain, making him stumble forwards. He was chained to a pole at one side, and the professor moved away for a few minutes, busy with something at his bench. Talon strained at both the chain and the restraint, hating what would come next. Ingvar returned, with what looked like a collar in his hands. Talon took one look at it, and fought the chain harder, making the man chuckle darkly. “Ah, you remember?” Talon made no answer, but he was unable to prevent the collar form being fastened around his throat. Stepping back, Ingvar pulled a small remote from his pocket. Seeing it, Talon froze, barely breathing, not taking his eyes off it. Again, the professor chuckled. “Yes, you do.” His thumb hovered over the button. “But do you remember why?” The thumb pressed down, and a shock went through Talon, sending him to his knees in pain. His eyes were shut tight, and he struggled to breath even though the shock was gone. “You think I not do this? You knew better.” Again, a shock came from the collar, and Talon let out a cry of pain, his hands clenched into fists. His wrings were shaking, fighting the restraints. The professor watched him for a moment, and slipped the remote back into his pocket. “You think you fool me. You should know better.” Talon kept his eyes closed, keeping his head turned away. There was nothing he could do - his wings were in tatters, every movement sending pain through them. 0 players like this post! Like? |
Shimmersaurus (#55993)
Fearsome View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-03-26 16:46:04 |
Burzynski (#47994)
Deathlord of the Jungle View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-03-26 17:07:59 |
Wyndy (#8495)
Phoenix View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-03-27 14:30:32 |
Shimmer, that is a very good reaction. I want to slap him too, the cruel guy. D: Burzy, thank you! I'm hoping to have more snippets up for you guys throughout April. c: 0 players like this post! Like? |
🐈 Vicki (#54404)
Kind View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-03-30 00:30:45 |
Wyndy (#8495)
Phoenix View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-04-03 16:06:46 |
Another snippet! ----------- She shook her head, dismissing the memory. She’d proven herself to Ingvar, and in return he’d given her the specimen to work with on her own while he tried to breed another. She couldn’t let him down. With a sigh, her head already beginning to ache from her lack of sleep, she rested her head in her hands, closing her eyes. Sometimes, she just wanted to go straight back to bed. Her lab room wasn’t exactly the nicest room, either. Stark and white-walled, it was perfect for her research, but not so much anything else. To that extent, she’d brought in a cactus, which she’d promptly named Hercules, in an attempt to brighten the room just a little bit. She wasn’t sure if it worked yet, but it was only early days with him yet. Glancing over at the experiment, she saw that he was finished eating. Failing to hold back a yawn that made her jaw make funny noises, she retrieved the tray the food had been on, dumping it in the tiny kitchenette to clean later — if she remembered. Right now, though, she needed another cup of coffee. A knock on her door interrupter her, and she swore under breath, going over to answer it. At least they hadn’t barged in — it had taken her a while to cure her colleagues of doing that. “Yes, Petra?” Her assistant looked at her out of apologetic blue eyes. “Sorry, Doctor, but there’s a package for you.” Natalia blinked in shock. She hadn’t been expecting anything. “Alright, then. What is it?” Petra shrugged. “They want your signature.” With a quick glance over her shoulder to check that everything was as it should be, and that the specimen couldn’t escape, she shut the lab door behind her, following her assistant through the plain white halls of the facility. She could still remember how it had both awed and terrified her when she’d first arrived. She had thought that she would never be able to find her way around. All the hallways looked the same. But she knew them like the back of her hand now, and was pretty sure that she’d be able to find her way around blindfolded. Sending Petra back to her job with a soft word, Natalia opened the door that led to outside, meeting the delivery man. Her lab coat was now over her arm, looking like a normal coat, and she smiled at him. “I’m Natalia O’Rourke,” she said. “There’s a package for me?” He nodded, holding out the form for her to sign. “Yes. Sign here please.” She did, and took the medium sized cardboard box with a frown. She still didn’t know what it was. As she returned to her lab, she tried to think of who would be sending her things, but no one came to mind. The door opened when she pressed her palm to the lock, and she stepped inside, automatically glancing at the specimen. He was still there, still in the same place, and she turned to her desk, putting the box carefully on it. Searching for her scissors took much longer than it should have, and she finally found them in her coat pocket. She was sure that she’d put them in her drawer. There was a cactus in the box. She stared at it in confusion. She already had a cactus. She had no plans for another one. With a sigh, she pulled it out, setting it beside Hercules. It was a nice looking cactus, she had to admit. She just had no clue where it had come from. There was no return address on the package, either. It looked like the cactus was hers now. Putting that dilemma out of her mind, she turned her thoughts to the tests she had to do today, drinking her coffee. Leaning against her desk, she studied the experiment. He studied her back, barely blinking as he watched her. It unnerved her slightly, for she couldn’t read any emotion in the black eyes. She shivered, and put her empty cup down, pulling out her clipboard. 0 players like this post! Like? |
Halo #Ruby Felis (#34549)
Blessed View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-05-16 22:42:09 |
Cryptid (they/he) (#44335)
Total Chad View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-05-16 22:57:33 |
Wyndy (#8495)
Phoenix View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-05-21 22:23:55 |
@Hal Thank you! I'll be posting more as I write more -- so far, there's too many spoilers that I don't want to give you, so need to wait for something else. @Libette Ooh, the box is a secret. ;) 0 players like this post! Like? |
Kestral (#14913)
Terrifying View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-05-21 22:26:08 |
I actually really like this, I don't really like Sci-fi but even these snippets draw in the reader, they make you want to find the connections and the links, and to fill in the gaps. I will be watching this thread :) 0 players like this post! Like? |
Cryptid (they/he) (#44335)
Total Chad View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-05-22 00:37:25 |
Wyndy (#8495)
Phoenix View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-06-03 15:14:02 |
@Kestral I'm not actually a fan of Sci-Fi myself, so this is turning out to be really interesting. I'm so glad you're enjoying it so far! I'd love to know what connections you've drawn so far from the snippets. Reader conspiracies are great fun to read. @Libette Oh, because it must be. D: I can't give away everything in the beginning, can I? 0 players like this post! Like? |
Meso (#49519)
Usual View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-07-04 15:00:18 |
oooooh pretty scrolly upgrade *pats screen* Edit: as I was the last to post I though I would just edit this in. So these are some things I have identified of which you may make changes if you so wished. Snippet 1: "her lab coat flaring out from the wind of her passing." < she is passing her lab coat? isn't it attached to her (wearing it)? Is she passing a wind machine? "She relay needed to get more rest" "She took in the sharp black eyes, the hungry look in them, as he specimen flared its olive green wings, and sighed again." < who sighed is not very clear on first reading because of the 3 commas, 2 commas would be better "The walls were white and shiny, and ..." :D Snippet 4: "it had taken her a while to cure her colleagues of doing that." < to me this reads oddly Amazing work though, can't wait to find out what happens. Especially after being privy to some of the brainstorming! 0 players like this post! Like? Edited on 08/07/15 by Meso (#49519) |
Wyndy (#8495)
Phoenix View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-07-08 23:57:46 |
@Meso Oooh, thank you so much! I'll keep all that in mind when I go over it. This is only the first draft, so I'm basically putting down whatever comes into my head (including typos) and I'll work out the kinks when I'm done. <3 Also, here's a new snippet! I'd love to know what you all think of Nat's description of dancing. ----- He just shrugged. “Nothing can change them.” He turned away, brushing suddenly gentle fingers over the flowers on her cactus. “Tell me of outside,” he muttered abruptly. “Where I can do what I want.” Something touched her heart, and she turned in her chair, tugging her lab coat off and tossing it over her already messy desk, uncaring for the papers that would spill to the floor. “It’s a strange world,” she told him. “The people are strange. But it can be wild.” Somehow, she knew he didn’t want to hear of the cities, where the rush and bustle would confuse and terrify him. He wanted to know of the trees, the open space. The places he could be free. “There is nearly always a wind, somewhere. Sometimes it’s playful, sometimes it’s mean. But it always smells like freedom.” He’d turned to face her, and settled on the ground, his knees tucked to his chest, watching her unwaveringly. She continued, finding solace in the descriptions herself. “The sun is warm, like a blanket. But somehow it’s warmer. I fall asleep in the sun all the time, always with a book as my pillow. The trees grow to be so tall, they seem to reach the clouds. There are so many of them. They hide the sun sometimes, and give shadows for children to play in. I used to do that. I used to play hide and seek in the forests with Sam.” For a moment, she went silent, her thoughts turned in wards. How she longed for those innocent childhood days again. “Birds,” he prompted, and she glanced up to see that he was still watching her closely. She smiled slightly. “Of course,” she murmured. “You’d want to know about them. Some can’t fly. They’re mostly too big, or too clumsy. But the ones that can fly… they look like they’re part of the wind, sometimes. The eagles, like you.” She nodded at his wings. “The falcons, the hawks. They’re the best fliers, the fastest, the most dangerous. I love watching them. They can soar for hours without moving a wing, without even flapping. Some birds never land, except to breed. They’re always flying, because they can’t land in the ocean, or they’ll never take off again. Some live in the snow and ice, and don’t fly through the air, but they can swim, and a lot of people say that they fly through the water instead. They’re very clumsy on the ground. They’re made for the water.” She paused, thinking. “Sometimes it’s the males who dance for the females, trying to impress them so that they choose them for mates. Other times it’s the female who draws the males to her, so she can choose between them. I’ve seen dancing brolgas. They’re the most graceful birds I’ve ever seen.” He interrupted her. “Dance?” She smiled slightly, and shock her head. “I can’t dance, I can’t show you. But…” She hesitated, trying to think of how to explain it. Finally, she said the only answer she knew. “It’s when people move to the song in the body,” she finally said. “Sometimes, it’s to music that is being played by someone else, but sometimes they dance to music only they can hear. It’s like making a story with your body instead of with words.” He tilted his head. “Heart calls and body answers?” She smiled. “Yes. That’s a wonderful way of saying it. That’s exactly it. Birds do the same thing.” 0 players like this post! Like? |
Wyndy (#8495)
Phoenix View Forum Posts Posted on 2015-07-26 22:48:56 |
So, as of 10:14pm on 27/7/15, this book is actually finished. I'm a little bit in shock as I write this, because it's taken up four months of my emotions and spare time, and I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to let go of these characters completely. There is something about them that made me more emotionally invested in Scientific Fantasies than any of my other books. I just want to thank all you guys who put up with me posting both this thread, and my random streams in chat, and to thank you all for your support. I honestly couldn't have done it without you all. Writing is a lonely job, and I love that I can share mine here, and know that people will enjoy it. I may continue posting snippets here, I may not. I haven't decided yet. But if anyone wants to know more about it, or wants to read the whole thing, just let me know, and I'll be happy to answer any questions. 0 players like this post! Like? |