Why is it that so many things I love make me feel like a terrible person?

You have liked this post!

You know when you’re taking a test, like a multiple choice test, and you KNOW the answer. So you mark it down and are about to move on when BAM. ”What if that’s not the right answer?” It goes by a very simple term. “Second-Guessing”.

I think my example of a test is pretty common. I of course have that problem, but one that stands out more to me in my life is my second-guessing of people’s names. I know their names. I know I know their names. And yet… what if I don’t? Sometimes I see people’s faces in another’s. I’m pretty sure that’s common too. But it all ties in with this second-guessing.

I know the person’s name, but there’s other people who look very similar, and what if my brain is doing that thing where it’s being really stupid and making me think I know something that I don’t?

My solution. I don’t say people’s names. When I talk to them, I don’t say their names. When I want to get their attention? I don’t… eye-contact I guess? Most of the stuff I say isn’t really directed to anyone.

Sigh. No, it’s not good for social interaction. Yes, I should probably start actually talking to people properly. Will I? No. No I won’t. I’ve heard that using people’s names helps build friendships and shows you’re actually paying attention or something. I am paying attention. I know everyone’s names. Yes. Everyone I’m in contact with on a regular basis. I’m a people watcher. I’ve probably analyzed their characters plenty of times. No, I’m not a stalker. I’m an author with too much time on my hands and someone who is struggling to human. Does analyzing all you other humans help? No. But at least I know your names as much as I don’t say them.

You have liked this post!

Do you ever feel the crushing weight of the universe? Not even that of society, but like; if I don’t become who I’m supposed to be, I’ll be doing something horrendously wrong.

You have liked this post!

Right so, overthinking:

There’s something in watching everything fall down around you. Like, that sort of feeling that everything is spinning out of control and you just can’t fix it. There’s something… nice. No, it’s not GOOD. It’s NOT good. But… it can give you a moment to step back and recognize; no, you CAN’T control everything. You can take a breath, then use that pain and desperation to build something up better. For every down there’s gotta be an up. You just gotta take a breath and take that step. Start on along it again, because that climb can be so satisfying.

I am currently watching everything implode and have sat down in my house with cup of tea. Ah yes. This is fine.

Then after it’s all sufficiently destroyed everything, then I’ll stand up and get right back to work! All I need to do is get through this low… and… everything’ll be fine…

I just want to go home…

You have liked this post!

When people say:
“Wow, you look exhausted” or
“You look tired”

I want to say:
“You noticed?” or
“Today more than usual?”

But I actually say:
“Do I? Haha…” or
“That’s interesting..”

That awkward laughing for real. But honestly, what AM I supposed to say? Like, I mean, yeah I FEEL exhausted. Glad you finally noticed me over here, but thanks for pointing it out. Am I supposed to do something about it?

Like when people ask me what I’m smiling at or laughing at.
“Well SOR-RY, I guess I’ll just stop then.”

Is it not socially acceptable to just smile? Do I really need to explain myself to you? Well, I’m not smiling anymore. That needs to change. Did you know smiling actually makes you feel happier? Fake it ‘till you make it.

Even if it takes years… just keep smiling…

You have liked this post!

No time to hesitate! No time to think! Just go! Just do it! Here we go! Ha, haaaa!

You have liked this post!

Whenever I say I'm feeling like an 'evil villain', I haven't done anything evil, I just did something that I feel a sneaky sense of pride in, and it's probably some obscure reference and deeper meaning that might just fly over people's heads...

But that's also the point. I'm the villain in the story who does things that no one understands in the slightest, and they're constantly questioning whether I'm a villain or just insane. But trust me, I'm not insane.

You have liked this post!

I have come up with best new power…

You have liked this post!

One of my favorite things to do while bored, and things to come up with on the spot, are random magical powers.

The sort of things that have no reason for it, and that are impractical. I would give examples, but if anyone reading this wants them, just go check out some of my roleplays... I haven't added some of the better ones yet, but they will eventually. Yes this is a shameless self promotion for people to read my stuff. Or don't.

You have liked this post!

I see the flames that rain from the skies, I see the stars that crash to the ground, I see the silence permeating through life itself. I watch the land smolder and burn, I watch the ground shake beneath feet, I watch as stillness settles across the lands. I hear the crackle and groan of flames, I hear the screams of the falling, I hear the sounds of the things that evaporate to dust. I taste the thickness of the air, I taste the heat of fire, I taste the plague of death. I smell the smoke of burning life, I smell the lost and forgotten, I smell the things they cannot know.
I know the end of times, I know the death of all, I know of things they do not perceive.

Alone I am in these revelations, Silence parches my throat. Lost I am among my thoughts, fear burns my eyes. Forgotten I am cast away, death devours my being.

The fight has not yet ended, I have yet to take my peace. I refuse to let this be the end of me, I won’t take that sickening sweet release. The sun will shine again, even if I must call it forth. My mind will find its rest, when good returns among the north.

You have liked this post!

They all leave they all leave they all leave they all leave they all leave they all leave they all leave. Or is it me? Me? Did? Did I do it? Do I? Did I? Have I? Will I? Where where where where…? They all leave. No, no. I. Was it me? Did I do it? Have I? I will? No no, where? They all leave. LEAVE ME WHY DON’T YOU! GO ON! GET OUT OF HERE! LEAVE! They all leave they all leave. I did nothing! I did it all. I didn’t do it! I did it I did it I did it. I DIDN’T DO IT! I’ve done it all. I did it. Why? Why? Why? I don’t know. Have they gone? They all leave. It was me It was me I was me. It. Me! I did it! I DID NOTHING! It’s all my fault; I did it! THEY DID IT! THEY RUIN IT! THEY THEM THEY WHO THY THOU THEM! They all leave they go they run they run they hide they cry they sing they dance. I’m gone I’m gone, I’ve GONE. They leave they left they’re gone. No, I went. I left, I did it. It was me! No no no no no no STOP! STOP STOP STOP! I DIDN’T! I DON’T CARE I DON’T CARE I DON’T CARE! stop lying I DON’T CARE I DON’T CARE! stop.
SHUT. UP!

You have liked this post!